Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
