no you cant smoke seaweed
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
