I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
