her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
