Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
