After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
