Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
