Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
