My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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