i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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