Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
