I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
