Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
