when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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