the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
