Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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