watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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