Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
