Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Randomize
