On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize