It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
