I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
