I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
