i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
