I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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