it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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