That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
