you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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