I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize