bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize