evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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