when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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