I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You ate ashes out of my bong
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
