woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
