We won't sleep together?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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