Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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