Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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