drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just had sex bonerless
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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