I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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