i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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