Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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