His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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