I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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