I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
