she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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