It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
