i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
