Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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