So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
