Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
