Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
