where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
