i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Congratulations! We have a period
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