Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize