Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
