Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
