Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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