I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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