Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she smelled like a LAN party
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
