I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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