smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize