Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
