pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize