i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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