I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He did a backflip because drugs
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize