here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
