You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have already put on my inside pants.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
