We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
