bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
