gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
