I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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