u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
